Sometimes I sit and just cry. Hard. For a long time. It happens when I think about the relationships I have lost. Or the people. I cry. I cry for the little girl who was silenced so many years ago. I cry for the woman I never got to fully become because life handed me a curve ball. I cry when I am happy or if I hear something sad. I cry.
I am sure most of you can't relate, so I stopped writing this post so many times, but decided to keep writing it for myself.
Often, life brings us to these moments which cause us to cry, but sometimes we don't allow ourselves these moments. Why? For me, it's because I still gotta get "ish" done, therefore I don't have TIME to cry. Other times, I don't want people to think I am weak or ungrateful for the full and very blessed life I live. So I hold it in and then it explodes. All. At. Once. And sometimes at the "wrong" times. But, I ask you, is there ever a wrong time to display your emotions?
In a world that is increasingly making all of us walk around with RBF, I am beginning to think we are becoming less emotional and more cold towards those who show their emotions regularly. We sometimes look at them and shake our heads. I even find myself telling my kids to "Suck it up, Buttercup" when they start to cry. Why do we silence our own emotions and also expect others to do the same?
Anyone who knows me, knows I will cry in a heartbeat. I wasn't always that person, but I have learned to show emotion because somehow it allows people to see the human side that is me. It gives them permission to show that side too.
I know sometimes I make things look really easy, but if I am being honest, it's not. I have to consciously and with great effort make things happen in my life. We all do, but that doesn't come easy. It comes with tears and the ugly cry. It comes with angst and wavering faith. It comes with a whole bunch of "stuff" that I am too embarrassed to think about or even talk about- at this point.
I don't really know how people make it through life without eeking out a few tears or letting themselves feel sad, frustration, or disappointment.
In years past, I often celebrated people who could contain their composure, but I now feel sorry for them because they don't allow themselves to feel. And feeling is the most important thing we can do for ourselves.
When we sit in the sea of our emotions, we allow ourselves to explore the crates in our heart. It allows us to gain a greater perspective on life. It shows us what makes our souls react. After all, the eyes are the window to the soul. It teaches us compassion. It shows us which waterproof mascara is really waterproof. (Oh, don't act like you have NEVER worn waterproof mascara. I cry, but I don't always want to look like a raccoon when I do it.) It makes us a better human being.
And the release you feel afterwards, is indescribable. I always need a nap after I have a good cry. Don't you?
So, today if you are in your feelings, I encourage you to sit in them and if you have to, cry about it. Scream. Laugh. Do whatever it takes, but let it out. You will feel so much better. Go ahead. I won't judge.