"I don't want any more children," I screamed to my husband as I collected poop out the bathtub- for the third time that week.
Whenever my children stress me out, I feel this way. Then there are other times when they do something cute and I recant. Truth is I REALLY don't want another child. In part, due to raising one since I was 19, the thought of being 65 and still raising children makes my head hurt. I applaud people who have four and five children, but this Cali-girl-at-heart has had her fill.
I know many couples who have one and I know they must always get the "Don't you want more?" question often. My advice to them is to say 1) it's none of your business and 2) I will have another one when you pay my bills, get me a chef and maid, and when you guarantee I will only have them when they aren't crying or being needy. See what they say after that. That should shut them up.
The part about having children is there are so many things people don't tell you. Like how you won't be smitten all the time or how you won't feel like yourself for a long time. (On average, I didn't feel like myself until almost 2 years after each of my children's births. Even then, I discovered a new me.) Or how the last thing you have on your mind is being intimate with your spouse. I remember my doctor told me to "Take one for the team" during my six week check-up. I almost vomited because the very thought repulsed me. I just wanted to know how to get a full night's rest with a newborn, not how I now had permission to lay it down in the bedroom. (I am sure NONE of you can relate. I am TOTALLY talking to myself.)
I have three children. Most days I feel like I have 25. Each of them have brought me joy. TREMENDOUS joy. It's just now as I have gotten a bit older, I crave a different type of joy. One that involves thinking more about myself and less about my family responsibilities. The joy I feel from having quiet time. Yeah, that joy.
I can't wait to experience the joy of simply being Brinn and not anything else. I can't wait to play that role for a while. In the meantime, I plan to soak up all this time I have with my children because they won't be babies forever. (They'll always be my babies, but you know what I mean.)
In the meantime, let me go scoop poop out the bathtub for the millionth time. (I have a picture, but I didn’t want to gross you out. Lenny only poops when I’m bathing her, so I’m starting to take it a bit personal, ya’ know?)