I weigh myself twice a day, hoping maybe JUST maybe I dropped an ounce or two. Most of the time I don’t, but I do this ritual daily. DAILY.
Why? It’s because I am trying to get to a certain number in my head. As women, we have a set of two numbers in our head. The first is our ideal weight and the second is our ideal size. For me I would love to be 145 pounds and a solid 4. Right now, I am 155 pounds and a solid 6. I know some of you are thinking I am nuts and should be happy with where I am at.
Well, I’m not. Truth is I have clothes in my closet I tell myself I am going to get back into. ONE DAY. And I have another set of “just in case” clothes for when I hit the season of my life, where my 155 pounds are in the rearview and I am approaching the 170’s again. (Yes, I have been 170.)
Well, my day one is here again and guess what?
I WILL NEVER GET BACK INTO THAT SIZE! NEVER!
Why? It’s unrealistic. About three years ago, I was in the 140’s and I looked emaciated. I lost my butt, which I LOVE. (You have to love at least ONE body part. It is a requirement. So, if you don’t, start thinking of one.) I was fitting back into my “maybe one day” clothes, but I was miserable. I was at a very sad point in my life and though I was at my ideal clothing size and weight, I wasn’t happy with my life.
By now, you are probably wondering WHY IS SHE TELLING ME THIS? Because I feel like I needed to free someone with this post. I know one of you is just like me. Lying to yourself that you can go carb free for the rest of your life. Or go vegan. (OMG! I went vegan for about 6 weeks and I felt better, but I wasn’t very nice about it.) Or that you don’t care. You do. We all do, but when we obsess it never usually nets us anything and it always, always exhaust us.
I am tired of playing the numbers game. Absolutely, tired. I am tired of pretending and tired of watching what I eat. I am tired of overeating then feeling guilty. I am tired of comparing myself to other women. I am tired. I will no longer play the numbers game.
Don’t get it twisted, I will try to make healthy choices and exercise- regularly. And I am not promoting an unhealthy approach to life. We should try to be as healthy as we can be. However, I will no longer beat myself up when I don’t
fit into a size 4 nor will I obsess about the scale. I am learning to see myself as myself and not how the world says I should see myself. (Does that make sense because while I was typing this sentence out, I got confused. Seriously. I did.) What I see is a woman who has had three children, a former runner and a woman who fills the hell outta some jeans. That's who I see.
Today, I challenge you to stop obsessing over the two numbers in your head. Instead focus on becoming the best you, no matter what those numbers are. If you get to see those numbers again, GREAT! If you never do, GREAT! And if you are at your ideal size, GREAT! Let’s learn to give ourselves a little bit more grace when it comes to the scale and the size of our clothes. It makes for a happier life.
Besides, I have at LEAST three sizes in my closet because clothes manufacturers aren’t even accurate and uniform when they size clothes. SO really this post should have been about how THEY’VE messed us up. Having me over here thinking I am a 4,6, and an 8. How is the even possible? (By the way, this a conversation I have in my head often. Especially when I go to H&M or Zara. How dare they?)
Sorry for the rant. Kind of.
Yeah, grace. Focus on that part.